At a dinner party in New York, one of the guests, a
woman who had inherited money, was eager to make
a pleasing impression on everyone. She had squandered
a modest fortune on sables, diamonds and pearls. But
she hadn’t done anything whatever about her face. It
radiated sourness and selfishness. She didn’t realize
what everyone knows: namely, that the expression one
wears on one’s face is far more important than the
clothes one wears on one’s back.
Charles Schwab told me his smile had been worth a
million dollars. And he was probably understating the
truth. For Schwab’s personality, his charm, his ability to
make people like him, were almost wholly responsible
for his extraordinary success; and one of the most delightful
factors in his personality was his captivating
smile.
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “I
like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”
That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to
see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally,
we are glad to see them.
A baby’s smile has the same effect.
Have you ever been in a doctor’s waiting room and
looked around at all the glum faces waiting impatiently
to be seen? Dr, Stephen K. Sproul, a veterinarian in Raytown,
Missouri, told of a typical spring day when his
waiting room was full of clients waiting to have their
pets inoculated. No one was talking to anyone else, and
all were probably thinking of a dozen other things they
would rather be doing than “wasting time” sitting in that
office. He told one of our classes: “There were six or
seven clients waiting when a young woman came in
with a nine-month-old baby and a kitten. As luck would
have it, she sat down next to a gentleman who was more
than a little distraught about the long wait for service.
The next thing he knew, the baby just looked up at him
with that great big smile that is so characteristic of babies.
What did that gentleman do? Just what you and I
would do, of course; he-smiled back at the baby. Soon
he struck up a conversation with the woman about her
baby and his grandchildren, and soon the entire reception
room joined in, and the boredom and tension were
converted into a pleasant and enjoyable experience.”
An insincere grin? No. That doesn’t fool anybody. We
know it is mechanical and we resent it. I am talking
about a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that
comes from within, the kind of smile that will bring a
good price in the marketplace.
Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at the
University of Michigan, expressed his feelings about a
smile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manage
teach and sell more effectively, and to raise happier
children. There’s far more information in a smile than a
frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective
teaching device than punishment.”
The employment manager of a large New York department
store told me she would rather hire a sales clerk
who hadn’t finished grade school, if he or she has a
pleasant smile, than to hire a doctor of philosophy with
a somber face.
The effect of a smile is powerful - even when it is
unseen. Telephone companies throughout the United
States have a program called “phone power” which is
offered to employees who use the telephone for selling
their services or products. In this program they suggest
that you smile when talking on the phone. Your “smile”
comes through in your voice.
Robert Cryer, manager of a computer department for a
Cincinnati, Ohio, company, told how he had successfully
found the right applicant for a hard-to-fill position:
“I was desperately trying to recruit a Ph.D. in computer
science for my department. I finally located a
young man with ideal qualifications who was about to
be graduated from Purdue University. After several
phone conversations I learned that he had several offers
from other companies, many of them larger and better
known than mine. I was delighted when he accepted my
offer. After he started on the job, I asked him why he
had chosen us over the others. He paused for a moment
and then he said: ‘I think it was because managers in the
other companies spoke on the phone in a cold, business-like
manner, which made me feel like just another business
transaction, Your voice sounded as if you were glad
to hear from me . . . that you really wanted me to be part
of your organization. ’ You can be assured, I am still answering
my phone with a smile.”
The chairman of the board of directors of one of the
largest rubber companies ‘in the United States told me
that, according to his observations, people rarely succeed
at anything unless they have fun doing it. This
industrial leader doesn’t put much faith in the old adage
that hard work alone is the magic key that will unlock
the door to our desires, “I have known people,” he said,
“who succeeded because they had a rip-roaring good
time conducting their business. Later, I saw those people
change as the fun became work. The business had
grown dull, They lost all joy in it, and they failed.”
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect
them to have a good time meeting you.
I have asked thousands of business people to smile at
someone every hour of the day for a week and then come
to class and talk about the results. How did it work?
Let’s see. . . Here is a letter from William B. Steinhardt,
a New York stockbroker. His case isn’t isolated. In fact,
it is typical of hundreds of cases.
“1 have been married for over eighteen years,” wrote
Mr. Steinhardt, “and in all that time I seldom smiled at
my wife or spoke two dozen words to her from the time
I got up until I was ready to leave for business. I was
one of the worst grouches who ever walked down Broadway.
“When you asked me to make a talk about my experience
with smiles, I thought I would try it for a week. So
the next morning, while combing my hair, I looked at
my glum mug in the mirror and said to myself, ‘Bill, you
are going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yours
today. You are going to smile. And you are going to begin
right now.’ As I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wife
with a ‘Good morning, my dear,’ and smiled as I said
it.
“You warned me that she might be surprised. Well,
you underestimated her reaction. She was bewildered.
She was shocked. I told her that in the future she could
expect this as a regular occurrence, and I kept it up every
morning.
“This changed attitude of mine brought more happiness
into our home in the two months since I started
than there was during the last year.
“As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operator
in the apartment house with a ‘Good morning’ and a
smile, I greet the doorman with a smile. I smile at the
cashier in the subway booth when I ask for change. As I
stand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at people
who until recently never saw me smile.
“I soon found that everybody was smiling back at me,
I treat those who come to me with complaints or grievances
in a cheerful manner, I smile as I listen to them
and I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier.
I find that smiles are bringing me dollars, many dollars
every day.
“I share my office with another broker. One of his
clerks is a likable young chap, and I was so elated about
the results I was getting that I told him recently about
my new philosophy of human relations. He then confessed
that when I first came to share my office with his
firm he thought me a terrible grouch - and only recently
changed his mind. He said I was really human when I
smiled.
“I have also eliminated criticism from my system. I
give appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation.
I have stopped talking about what I want. I am now
trying to see the other person’s viewpoint. And these
things have literally revolutionized my life. I am a totally
different man, a happier man, a richer man, richer in
friendships and happiness - the only things that matter
much after all.”
You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things.
First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself
to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were
already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William
James put it:
“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and
feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which
is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly
regulate the feeling, which is not.
“Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if
our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act
and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. . . .”
Every body in the world is seeking happiness - and
there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling
your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward
conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about it. For example, two people
may be in the same place, doing the same thing; both
may have about an equal amount of money and prestige
- and yet one may be miserable and the other happy.
Why? Because of a different mental attitude.
I have seen just as many happy faces among the
poor peasants toiling
with their primitive tools in the devastating heat of the
tropics as I have seen in air-conditioned offices in New
York, Chicago or Los Angeles.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare,
“but thinking makes it so.”
Abe Lincoln once remarked that “most folks are about
as happy as they make up their minds to be.” He was
right. I saw a vivid illustration of that truth as I was
walking up the stairs of the Long Island Railroad station
in New York. Directly in front of me thirty or forty crippled
boys on canes and crutches were struggling up the
stairs. One boy had to be carried up. I was astonished at
their laughter and gaiety. I spoke about it to one of the
men in charge of the boys. “Oh, yes,” he said, “when a
boy realizes that he is going to be a cripple for life, he is
shocked at first; but after he gets over the shock, he usually
resigns himself to his fate and then becomes as
happy as normal boys.”
I felt like taking my hat off to those boys. They taught
me a lesson I hope I shall never forget.
Working all by oneself in a closed-off room in an office
not only is lonely, but it denies one the opportunity of
making friends with other employees in the company.
Señora Maria Gonzalez of Guadalajara, Mexico, had
such a job. She envied the shared comradeship of other
people in the company as she heard their chatter and
laughter. As she passed them in the hall during the first
weeks of her employment, she shyly looked the other
way.
After a few weeks, she said to herself, “Maria, you
can’t expect those women to come to you. You have to
go out and meet them. ” The next time she walked to the
water cooler, she put on her brightest smile and said,
“Hi, how are you today” to each of the people she met.
The effect was immediate. Smiles and hellos were returned,
the hallway seemed brighter, the job friendlier.
Acquaintanceships developed and some ripened into
friendships. Her job and her life became more pleasant
and interesting.
Peruse this bit of sage advice from the essayist and
publisher Elbert Hubbard - but remember, perusing it
won’t do you any good unless you apply it:
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the
crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost;
drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and
put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood
and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies.
Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to
do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move
straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid
things you would like to do, and then, as the days go
gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing
upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment
of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running
tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able,
earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you
hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual.
Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude
the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer.
To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire
and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that
on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the
crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.
The ancient Chinese were a wise lot - wise in the
ways of the world; and they had a proverb that you and
I ought to cut out and paste inside our hats. It goes like
this: “A man without a smiling face must not open a
shop.”
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Your
smile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someone
who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their
faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through
the clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressure
from his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parents
or children, a smile can help him realize that all is
not hopeless - that there is joy in the world.
Some years ago, a department store in New York City,
in recognition of the pressures its sales clerks were
under during the Christmas rush, presented the readers
of its advertisements with the following homely philosophy:
