Pete Barlow was an old friend of mine. He had a dog-andpony
act and spent his life traveling with circuses
and vaudeville shows. I loved to watch Pete train new
dogs for his act. I noticed that the moment a dog showed
the slightest improvement, Pete patted and praised
him and gave him meat and made a great to-do about
it.
That’s nothing new. Animal trainers have been using
that same technique for centuries.
Why, I wonder, don’t we use the same common sense
when trying to change people that we use when trying
to change dogs? Why don’t we use meat instead of a
whip? Why don’t we use praise instead of condemnation?
Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That
inspires the other person to keep on improving.
In his book I Ain’t Much, Baby-But I’m All I Got,
the psychologist Jess Lair comments: “Praise is like sunlight
to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and
grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too
ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we
are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine
of praise.” *
Jess Lair, I Ain’t Much, Baby - But I’m All I Got (Greenwich, Conn.:
Fawcett, 1976), # . 248.
I can look back at my own life and see where a few
words of praise have sharply changed my entire future.
Can’t you say the same thing about your life? History is
replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery
raise.
For example, many years ago a boy of ten was working
in a factory in Naples, He longed to be a singer, but his
first teacher discouraged him. “You can’t sing,” he said.
"You haven’t any voice at all. It sounds like the wind in
the shutters.”
But his mother, a poor peasant woman, put her arms
about him and praised him and told him she knew he
could sing, she could already see an improvement, and
she went barefoot in order to save money to pay for his
music lessons. That peasant mother’s praise and
encouragement
changed that boy’s life. His name was
Enrico
Caruso, and he became the greatest and most
famous opera singer of his age.
In the early nineteenth century, a young man in London
aspired to be a writer. But everything seemed to be
against him. He had never been able to attend school
more than four years. His father had been flung in jail
because he couldn’t pay his debts, and this young man
often knew the pangs of hunger. Finally, he got a job
pasting labels on bottles of blacking in a rat-infested
warehouse, and he slept at night in a dismal attic room
with two other boys - guttersnipes from the slums of
London. He had so little confidence in his ability to
write that he sneaked out and mailed his first manuscript
in the dead of night so nobody would laugh at him. Story
after story was refused. Finally the great day came when
one was accepted. True, he wasn’t paid a shilling for it,
but one editor had praised him. One editor had given
him recognition. He was so thrilled that he wandered
aimlessly around the streets with tears rolling down his
cheeks.
The praise, the recognition, that he received through
getting one story in print, changed his whole life, for if
it hadn’t been for that encouragement, he might have
spent his entire life working in rat-infested factories.
You may have heard of that boy. His name was Charles
Dickens.
Another boy in London made his living as a clerk in a
dry-goods store. He had to get up at five o’clock, sweep
out the store, and slave for fourteen hours a day. It was
sheer drudgery and he despised it. After two years, he
could stand it no longer, so he got up one morning and,
without waiting for breakfast, tramped fifteen miles to
talk to his mother, who was working as a housekeeper.
He was frantic. He pleaded with her. He wept. He
swore he would kill himself if he had to remain in the
shop any longer. Then he wrote a long, pathetic letter to
his old schoolmaster, declaring that he was heartbroken,
that he no longer wanted to live. His old schoolmaster
gave him a little praise and assured him that he really
was very intelligent and fitted for finer things and offered
him a job as a teacher.
That praise changed the future of that boy and made a
lasting impression on the history of English literature.
For that boy went on to write innumerable best-selling
books and made over a million dollars with his pen.
You’ve probably heard of him. His name: H. G. Wells.
Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept
of B. F. Skinner’s teachings. This great contemporary
psychologist has shown by experiments with animals
and with humans that when criticism is minimized and
praise emphasized, the good things people do will be
reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of
attention.
John Ringelspaugh of Rocky Mount, North Carolina,
used this in dealing with his children. It seemed that, as
in so many families, mother and dad’s chief form of communication
with the children was yelling at them. And,
as in so many cases, the children became a little worse
rather than better after each such session - and so did
the parents. There seemed to be no end in sight for this
problem.
Mr. Ringelspaugh determined to use some of the principles
he was learning in our course to solve this situation.
He reported: “We decided to try praise instead of
harping on their faults. It wasn’t easy when all we could
see were the negative things they were doing; it was
really tough to find things to praise.
We managed to find
something, and within the first
day or two some of the
really upsetting things they
were doing quit happening.
Then some of their other
faults began to disappear. They
began capitalizing
on the praise we were giving them.
They even began going out of their way to do things
right. Neither of us could believe it. Of course, it didn’t
last forever, but the norm reached after things leveled
off was so much better. It was no longer necessary to
react the way we used to. The children were doing far
more right things than wrong ones.” All of this was a
result of praising the slightest improvement in the children
rather than condemning everything they did wrong.
This works on the job too. Keith Roper of Woodland
Hills, California, applied this principle to a situation in
his company. Some material came to him in his print
shop which was of exceptionally high quality. The
printer who had done this job was a new employee who
had been having difficulty adjusting to the job. His supervisor
was upset about what he considered a negative
attitude and was seriously thinking of terminating his
services.
When Mr. Roper was informed of this situation, he
personally went over to the print shop and had a talk
with the young man. He told him how pleased he was
with the work he had just received and pointed out it
was the best work he had seen produced in that shop for
some time. He pointed out exactly why it was superior
and how important the young man’s contribution was to
the company,
Do you think this affected that young printer’s attitude
toward the company? Within days there was a complete
turnabout. He told several of his co-workers about the
conversation and how someone in the company really
appreciated good work. And from that day on, he was a
loyal and dedicated worker.
What Mr. Roper did was not just flatter the young
printer and say “You’re good.” He specifically pointed
out how his work was superior. Because he had singled
out a specific accomplishment, rather than just making
general flattering remarks, his praise became much more
meaningful to the person to whom it was given.
Everybody
likes to be praised, but when praise is specific,
it
comes across as sincere - not something the other
person
may be saying just to make one feel good.
Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition,
and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants
insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.
Let me repeat: The principles taught in this book will
work only when they come from the heart. I am not
advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way
of life.
Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire
the people with whom we come in contact to a realization
of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far
more than change people. We can literally transform
them.
Exaggeration? Then listen to these sage words from
William James, one of the most distinguished psychologists
and philosophers America has ever produced:
Compared with what we ought to be, we are only half
awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical
and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the
human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses
powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use.
Yes, you who are reading these lines possess powers
of various sorts which you habitually fail to use; and one
of these powers you are probably not using to the fullest
extent is your magic ability to praise people and inspire
them with a realization of their latent possibilities.
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under
encouragement.
