Chapter Eighteen ~ CAN YOU ATTRACT HAPPINESS? ~ Pilot No. 18
 

Can you attract happiness?

Abraham Lincoln once made the remark, "It has been my observation that people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

There is very little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference! The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.

Persons who want to be happy will adopt a positive mental attitude and be influenced by the PMA side of their talisman. Thus happiness will be attracted to them. And those who turn on NMA make a business of being unhappy. They don't attract they repel happiness.

"I Want to Be Happy ..." A popular song starts off with words that contain a great deal of truth: "I want to be happy, but I won't be happy, 'til I make you happy, too!"

One of the surest ways to find happiness for yourself is to devote your energies toward making someone else happy. Happiness is an elusive, transitory thing. And if you set out to search for it, you will find it evasive. But if you try to bring happiness to someone else, then it comes to you.

Writer Claire Jones, wife of a professor in the religion department at Oklahoma City University, tells of a happiness they experienced during their early married Me. "We lived in a small town the first two years we were married," she recalls, "and our neighbors were a very old couple, the wife nearly blind and confined to a wheelchair. The old man, not very well himself, kept house and cared for her.

"My husband and I were decorating our Christmas tree a few days before Christmas, when we decided on impulse to fix a tree for the old people. We bought a small one, decorated it with tinsel and lights, wrapped a few small gifts, and took it over the night before Christmas.
 

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"The old lady cried as she gazed dimly at the sparkling lights. Her husband said over and over, 'But it's been years since we had a tree/ They mentioned that tree nearly every time we visited them during the next year.

"The next Christmas they were both gone from the little house. It was a small thing we had done for them. But we were happy that we'd done it.

Now the happiness they experienced as a result of their kindness was a very deep, warm feeling the memory of which will remain with them. It was a very special kind of happiness that comes to those who do kind deeds.

But the kind of happiness which is most common and most constant comes closer to being a state of contentment: a state of being neither happy nor unhappy.

You are a happy person during a period when you predominantly experience that positive state of mind in which you are happy combined with that neutral state of mind in which you are not unhappy. And you can be happy, content, or unhappy. For the choice is yours. The determining factor is whether you are under the influence of a positive or negative mental attitude. And that factor you can control.

Handicaps are no barrier to happiness. Surely if ever there was a person who might have been expected to complain of unhappiness Helen Keller was that person. Born deaf, mute, and blind, deprived of knowledge of normal communication with the persons who surrounded her, she had only her sense of touch to help her to reach out to others and to experience the happiness of loving and being loved.

But reach out she did, and through the aid of a devoted and brilliant teacher who in love reached out to Helen Keller, that deaf, mute, and blind little girl has become a brilliant, joyful, happy woman. Miss Keller once wrote: *

"Anyone who out of the goodness of his heart speaks a helpful word, gives a cheering smile, or smoothes over a rough place in another's path knows that the delight he feels is so intimate a part of himself that he lives by it. The joy of surmounting obstacles which once seemed un-removable, and pushing the frontier of accomplishment further what joy is there like unto it?

"If those who seek happiness would stop one little minute and think, they would see that the delights they already experience are as countless as the grasses at their feet, or the dewdrops sparkling upon the morning flowers."

•From The Open Door, by Helen Keller. Used by permission of Doubleday & Co., Inc.

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Helen Keller counts her blessings and is profoundly grateful for them. Then she shares the wonder of these blessings with others, and causes them to feel delight. Because she shares that which is good and desirable, she attracts unto herself more of that which is good and desirable. For the more you share, the more you will have. And if you share happiness with others, happiness will grow richer within you.

But if you share misery and unhappiness, you will attract misery and unhappiness to yourself. And we all know of persons who are eternally having troubles not problems, or opportunities in disguise. Theirs are spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e. No matter what happens to them, it just isn't good. And this is because they are always sharing their troubles with others.

Now there are many lonely people in this world who long for love and friendship but never seem to get it. Some repel that which they seek with NMA. Others curl up in their little corners and never venture out. They secretly hope that something good will come to them, but they do not share any of the good which they enjoy. They do not realize that when you withhold from others that which you have which is good and desirable, your own portion of the good and desirable diminishes.

Others, however, have the courage to do something about their loneliness, and they find their answer in sharing the good and beautiful with others. There was one such little boy who was a very lonely, unhappy little boy indeed. When he was born his backbone was arched into a grotesque hump and his left leg was crooked. Looking at the infant, the doctor assured the boy's father: "But he'll get along all right."

The family was poor. And the baby's mother died before he was a year old. As he grew up, other children shunned him because of his misshapen body and his inability to participate successfully in many of their activities. Charles Steinmetz was his name. And he was a lonely, unhappy little fellow.

But the Great Giver of All Good had not overlooked this little fellow. To compensate for his misshapen body, Charles had been endowed with an extraordinarily keen mind. Using the greatest asset available to him, Charles ignored his physical disabilities about which he felt he could do nothing, and worked to excel with his mind. At five he could conjugate Latin verbs. At seven he learned Greek and a smattering of Hebrew. At eight he had a good understanding of algebra and geometry.
 

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When he went on to college, he excelled in all his studies. In fact, he was graduated with honors. He had carefully saved his pennies so he could rent a dress suit for the occasion. But with the inconsiderate cruelty that is so often characteristic of persons under the influence of NMA, the school authorities posted a notice on the bulletin board excusing Charles from the ceremonies.

At long last it occurred to Charles that instead of trying to force respect for himself from people by making them take notice of his mental capacities, he would cultivate their friendship; he would use his abilities not to attract notice and to satisfy his own ego, but for the furtherance of the good of mankind. To start his new way of Me, he boarded a ship and came to America.

Having reached this country, Charles Steinmetz began to look for a job. Several times he was rebuffed because of his appearance, but he finally landed a job with General Electric as a draftsman at $12 a week. In addition to his regular duties he spent long hours in electrical research, and he endeavored to cultivate the friendship of his fellow employees by trying to share with them that which he had that was good and desirable.

After some time the chairman of the board of General Electric Company recognized the rare genius of this man, and said to Charles: "Here is our entire plant. Do anything you want with it. Dream all day, if you wish. We'll pay you for dreaming."

Charles worked hard, long and earnestly. During his lifetime he patented more than 200 electrical inventions and wrote many books and papers on problems of electrical theory and engineering. He knew the satisfaction of a job well done. And he also knew the satisfaction of making contributions which went far to make this world a better place to live in. He accumulated wealth and acquired a lovely home which he shared with a young couple he knew. Thus, Steinmetz experienced the happiness of a full and useful Me.

Happiness begins at home. The greater part of the life of each of us is spent in our homes, with our families. And unfortunately that dwelling which should be a haven of love, happiness, and security too often turns into an antagonistic place where the members do not enjoy happy and harmonious relationships. Problems in the home can arise for many reasons.

In one of our PMA Science of Success classes a very gifted, aggressive young man of about twenty-four was asked, "Have you a problem?"

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"Yes!" he replied. "My mother. In fact, I have decided to leave home this weekend."

When the student was asked to discuss his problem, it became evident that the relationship between him and his mother was not harmonious. It was apparent to the instructor that her aggressive, dominant personality was similar to his.

The class was informed that the personality of an individual can be compared to the powers of a magnet. When two like powers are in line and push or pull in the same direction, they are drawn to each other by attraction. When the powers are opposed to each other, they resist and repel one another.

When they are placed side by side and both confront the same outside forces, the individuals like the magnets remain separate entities. Yet their strength to attract and repel these forces is increased even though between themselves they are opposed.

The instructor continued by saying, "It appears that your behavior and that of your mother are so very similar that you can determine how she reacts to you by the way you react to her. You can probably evaluate her feelings by analyzing your own. Therefore, you can solve your problem easily!

"When two forceful personalities are opposed and it is desirable that they live together in harmony, at least one must use the power of PMA.

"Here's your specific assignment for this week: When your mother asks you to do something, do it cheerfully. When she expresses an opinion, agree with her in a pleasant, sincere manner, or don't say anything. When you are tempted to find fault with her, find something good to say. You will have a most pleasant experience. She will probably follow your example."

"It won't work!" responded the student. "She is just too hard to get along with!"

"You're absolutely right," responded the instructor. "It won't work unless you try to work it with a positive mental attitude."

A week later the young man was asked how he was coming along with his problem. His response was: "I am happy to say that there hasn't been one unpleasant word between us all week. You might be interested in knowing that I have decided to stay at home."

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When parents don't understand their children! There is a tendency for a person to assume that everyone always likes what he likes  and always thinks the way he thinks. For people have a tendency to judge the reactions of others by their own reactions. Now, like the young man who had a problem with his mother, such a conclusion would at times be correct. But many parents often have problems with their children because they fail to realize that the personality of the child is different from theirs. It is a mistake for parents not to realize that time changes both the child and them. For they don't adjust their mental attitudes to compensate for the changes within the child and themselves.

"I don't understand her!" the father said. A lawyer and his wife had five wonderful children. The parents were unhappy because their oldest daughter, who was a freshman at high school, didn't respond to her parents the way they expected. The daughter was unhappy, too.

"She's a good girl, but I don't understand her," the father said. "She doesn't like to do work around the house; yet she'll toil for hours at the piano. In the summer I got her a job at the department store, but she didn't want to work. She just wants to play the piano all day!"

It was our recommendation that the parents and daughter be given an Activity Vector Analysis by one of the authors. In Chapter 10 entitled: "How to Motivate Others," you have read about Activity Vector Analysis. These results were very revealing. We found that the girl possessed ambitions, energies, and traits so far beyond either of the parents that it would be difficult for them to comprehend her reactions to them until they understood that each person is different.

The parents thought that while it was nice to know how to play a piano, it was good for a girl to work at home and work in a store in the summer. A passion to be a pianist was just a waste of time. "She will get married some day and will have to keep house. She should be more practical," the parents reasoned.

The daughter's capacities and the tendencies that motivated her were explained to the parents. Reasons were given why it was hard for them to understand her. An explanation was also given to the daughter as to why her parents thought one way and she another. When the three endeavored to understand what brought about their problem and how they could adjust to it with a positive mental attitude, they were able to live together in greater harmony.

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To have a happy home be understanding. To be happy, be understanding of other people. Realize that another person's energy  level and capacities may not be the same as yours. He may not think like you. Try to understand that what he likes may not be what you like. When you realize this, you will find it easier to develop a PMA in yourself and to do that which will create desirable reactions in others.

opposite poles to a magnet attract each other and so do persons with opposite personality traits. And where there is a community of interest, two individuals may experience a happy association together although each has opposite characteristics in many respects. One may be ambitious, aggressive, confident, and optimistic and possess tremendous drive, energy, and stick-to-itiveness. The other may have a tendency to be satisfied, fearful, timid, shy, tactful, and humble and may lack confidence in himself. Often such persons are attracted to each other, and when associated together complement, strengthen, and inspire each other.

And they blend their personalities and thus the extremes of each become neutralized. What would grow into rigidity on the part of one and frustration on the part of the other is thus avoided.

Would you be happy and inspired if you were married to a person whose personality was exactly like yours? Be truthful with yourself. The answer would probably be "no."

Children, too, can be taught to be understanding and to be appreciative of all that their parents do for them. Much unhappiness is caused in homes because the children do not appreciate and understand their parents. But whose fault is it? The child's or the parents* or both?

Some time ago we had an appointment with the president of «a large and successful organization. His name has appeared in a favorable light in every large newspaper in the country for the good work he did while holding public office. Yet on the day we saw him, he was most unhappy.

"No one likes me! Even my children hate me! Why is this?" he asked.

Actually this man is a person of good intent. He gave his children everything that money would buy. He deliberately kept them from the needs that forced him as a child to gain the strength he developed as a man. He tried to protect them from those things in Me that to him were not beautiful. He eliminated the necessity for them to struggle as he had had to struggle. He never asked or expected appreciation from his sons and daughters when they were children and he never got it. Yet he assumed that they understood him without endeavoring to find out.
 

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Things would have been different had he taught his children to be appreciative and to gain strength by at least partially fighting their own battles. He experienced happiness in making them happy without teaching them to be happy by making others happy. Therefore they made him unhappy. Perhaps if he had confided in them when they were growing up and told of the struggles he had endured for their benefit, they might have been more understanding.

But there is no need for this man, or anyone in a like situation, to remain unhappy. He can turn up the PMA side of his talisman and try earnestly to make himself known to and understood by his dear ones.

And he can take the time to show that he loves them by sharing himself instead of just giving them those material things with which his wealth can supply them. If he shares himself as liberally as he shared his money with them, he will experience the rich reward of having them return love and understanding to him.

Of course this man had meant well. He had the right intent toward his children and toward others. But he had not been sensitive to their reactions. He had simply assumed that they would understand. And he had not taken the time to help them to do so.

Now this man could help himself by reading inspirational books. We recommended several including: How to Win Friends and Influence People. And we told him that his children were people.

Attract and repel through verbal communications. Regardless of who you are you are a wonderful person! Yet certain individuals may not think so. If you feel that they react unfavorably with unwarranted antagonism to the many things you say and do, you can do something about it. They are just as human as you are.

You have the power to attract and repel! You can use this power wisely to attract the right friends and repel those who have an undesirable or injurious influence on you. With a negative mental attitude you are apt automatically to repel the good things in Me and attract the undesirable including the wrong kind of friends.

Undesirable reactions on the part of others may be due to what you say and how you say it; or because of your true inner feelings and attitudes. The voice, like music, is often a reflection of the mood, attitude, and hidden thoughts of the mind. It may be just as difficult for you to realize that the fault lies with you as it is for you to take the initiative and correct yourself when you realize the fault does at times lie with you but you can do it!
 

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You can learn from a good salesman. For he is forced to train himself to be sensitive to the reactions of prospective customers and do something about it.

The customer is always right attitude of successful merchants is a most difficult attitude for some individuals to adopt; yet it gets results!

If you would endeavor to make your relatives happy with the same positive mental attitude that a salesman uses to sell his merchandise to prospective customers, your home and social life would become a more happy and successful one that is if you have a problem of personality conflict at home.

If your feelings are frequently hurt because of what people say, or how they say it, it is quite likely that you yourself are frequently guilty of offending others by what you say or how you say it. Try to determine the true reasons for your reactions of hurt feelings and then avoid causing the same reactions in others.

If gossip offends you, you can assume that you shouldn't gossip or you will offend others.

If you find someone's tone of voice and attitude towards you objectionable, avoid offending others by speaking or acting in the same manner.

If you are not happy when someone yells at you in an angry voice, assume that it is repellent to another if you yell at him even though he is your five-year-old son, or a very close relative.

If you feel offended because another person misunderstands your intent, show your confidence give other persons the benefit of the doubt.

If you do not find arguments, sarcasm, humor with a personal sting, or criticism of your ideas, friends or relatives pleasant, it is logical to assume that others will not find them pleasing either.

And if you like to be complimented if you like to be remembered  if it makes you happy to know that someone thinks of you: you can safely assume that others will be happy if you compliment them, or remember them, or drop them a note to let them know you are thinking of them.

A letter can bring happiness! Absence makes the heart grow fonder letters are exchanged. For many a marriage has taken place because love grew stronger through absence.
 

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Poetry, imagination, romance, idealism, ecstasy develop warmth and understanding through the exchange of letters. Each individual can express thoughts that might never be expressed if the written word is not used as the medium. Letters of endearment need not, and should not, stop with marriage. Samuel Clemens wrote loving notes to his wife daily even when they were at home. They lived a Me of real happiness together.

You are what you think. To write you must think. When you write a letter, you crystallize your thinking on paper. Your imagination is developed by recollecting the past, analyzing the present and perceiving the future. The more often you write, the more you take pleasure in writing. By asking questions, you, as the writer, direct the mind of the recipient into desired channels. You can make it easy for him to respond to you. Thus, when he does, he becomes the writer and you receive additional joy as the recipient.

The receiver of the letter you write is forced to think in terms of you. If your letter is well-thought-out, both his reason and his emotions can be directed along desired paths. Inspiring thoughts will be imprinted indelibly in his memory when they are being recorded in his subconscious mind as he reads.

Can you attract happiness? Yes, of course you can attract happiness. How? You can attract happiness with PMA.

A positive mental attitude will attract to you all the health, wealth, and happiness you desire. And a positive mental attitude consists of such plus characteristics as: faith, hope, charity, optimism, cheer, generosity, tolerance, tact, kindliness, honesty, good-finding, initiative, truthfulness, straightforwardness, and good common sense.

Contentment. As a nationally syndicated columnist, Napoleon Hill once wrote an article entitled "Contentment." You may find it helpful. Here is what it said:

The richest man in all the world lives in Happy Valley. He is rich in values that endure, in things he cannot lose things that provide him with contentment, sound health, peace of mind and harmony within his soul.

Here is an inventory of his riches and how he acquired them:

"I found happiness by helping others to find it.

"I found sound health by living temperately and eating only the food my body requires to maintain itself.

"I hate no man, envy no man, but love and respect all mankind.

"I am engaged in a labor of love with which I mix play generously; therefore, I seldom grow tired.

"I pray daily, not for more riches, but for more wisdom with which to recognize, embrace, and enjoy the great abundance of riches I already possess.

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"I speak no name save only to honor it, and I slander no man for any cause whatsoever.

"I ask no favors of anyone except the privilege of sharing my blessings with all who desire them.

"I am on good terms with my conscience; therefore, it guides me accurately in everything I do.

"I have more material wealth than I need because I am free from greed and covet only those things I can use constructively while I live. My wealth comes from those whom I have benefited by sharing my blessings.

"The estate of Happy Valley which I own is not taxable. It exists mainly in my own mind, in intangible riches that cannot be assessed for taxation or appropriated except by those who adopt my way of life. I created this estate over a lifetime of effort by observing nature's laws and forming habits to conform with them.

There are no copyrights on the Happy Valley man's success creed. If you will adopt it, the creed can bring you wisdom, peace, and contentment.

In his book, The Power of Faith, Rabbi Louis Binstock said this on the subject of happiness:

"Man was born together all of one piece. It is the kind of world he has fashioned that has torn him apart. A world of folly! A world of falsehood! A world of fear! With the power of faith, let him put himself together again faith in himself, faith in his fellowmen, faith in his destiny, faith in his God. Then and only then will the world be truly together. Then and only then will man find happiness and peace."

Remember, if the man is right his world will be right He can attract happiness just as he can attract wealth, unhappiness, or poverty. Is your world right? Or are guilt feelings keeping you from winning the success you want? If so, you will want to read our next chapter to insure happiness in your life.

11Pilot No. 18
THOUGHTS TO STEER BY
CAN YOU ATTRACT HAPPINESS?
 

1. Abraham Lincoln once said: "It has been my observation that people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

2. There is very little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.

8. One of the surest ways to find happiness for yourself is to devote your energies toward making someone else happy.

4. If you search for happiness, you will find it elusive. But if you try to bring happiness to someone else, it will return to you many times over.

5. If you share happiness, and all that is good and desirable, you will attract happiness, and the good and desirable.

6. If you share misery and unhappiness, you will attract misery and unhappiness to yourself.

7. Happiness begins at home. Members of your family are people. Motivate them to be happy just like a good salesman motivates his prospects to buy.

8. When two forceful personalities are opposed and it is desirable that they live together in harmony, at least one must use the power of PMA.

9. Be sensitive to the reactions of others.

10. Would you like to live contentedly in Happy Valley?

TO BE HAPPY
MAKE OTHERS HAPPY!